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Gunda – A Lesson in Meditation & Levitation

There are three kinds of movies in this world. Good, Bad & Gunda – Ancient Chinese Proverb.

This proverb aptly defines the magic called Gunda…even the word “Magic” sounds so small…its an epic, a cult movie, sheer cinematic brilliance, a poetry of words, a musical symphony. Ohhh…words fail me…in describing this Sir Kanti Shah’s 1998 epic movie…yes Queen Elizabeth has decided to award Kanti Shah with the title of “Sir”…and for the first time The Queen would be bowing down infront of anybody and this would only done in the honour of the Maverick named Kanti Shah…Press has been banned from covering the “Knighting” ceremony as The Queen wants to share some private moments with Sir Shah and don’t want any intrusion into the best moments of her life…

I think my life was incomplete for the last 12 years till I watched Gunda yesterday and it was nothing short of an Orgasm, cinematic orgasm that is(don’t get me wrong, I get my real orgasms after all the right reasons only)…infact getting orgasm after orgasm…it is a never ending high…and I am sure I can’t get over the magic of Gunda, it has a spell over me which would stay with me for the rest of my life; infact I don’t want to come out of it because life without Gunda would be like Bullahh without his Khullaaah spirit…can you even imagine Bullahh without his poetic dialogue delivery? I am sure you can’t…that’s how I can’t live without Gunda flowing in my blood…it’s like Red Blood Cells for my body now…my life would never be the same again… its levitation & meditation rolled into one joint (Pun intended!!!)…

Gunda is not just a movie, it is much beyond that…it is a lesson about “How to make a movie” and must be taught in all Film Institutes & Acting Schools – no theoretical lessons would be good enough infront of this 2 hours of cinematic brilliance. It also talks about “Open Economy” & “Customer Satisfaction”, it even talks about promotion of Vegetarianism & Maneka Gandhi is also proud of this movie & she is often heard talking about this movie in all PETA Forums…it must be made a case study for all B-Schools & Economics Courses. And I have crisp arguments on each one of them…


When Bullahh says “Mera naam hain Bullah, rakhta hoon main khullaaaaaa” he is not pointing towards any part of Human Anatomy but to his views about Economic leanings of his mind, he has an open view towards everything he does & doesn’t hide any of his feelings & principles…


When Ibu Hatela says “Mera naam hai Ibu Hatela,Maa meri chudail ki beti, baap mera shaitan ka chela, khayega kela?” he is not talking about finding a replacement for dildos but in his own subtle way he is promoting Vegetarianism…He must be made a Brand Ambassador for PETA with immediate effect…Pamela Anderson is passé…


When Shankar’s father tells the corrupt Police Inspector Kale ““Lagta hai Bullah ka thook chaata hain tumne, peshaab piya hain uska” he is implying his angst on the hands-in-gloves relationship between criminals & police and this was many years before we have seen this Nexus coming out open through the Media…


The Movie also talks about morals & values of any civic society…this is clearly personified when “Chutiya” (played amazingly well by Shakti Kapoor) innocently asks his big brother Bullahh “Bhaiyya bhaiyya, rape karna kya buree baat hai?” and our man Bullah has simply no reply to this stark question…yes even Bullah doesn’t have answers to some questions…unbelievable but true…

Do you think that only the movie “Lage Raho Munnabhai” taught us values of Mahatma Gandhi, if you think so then you are woefully wrong…years ago Gunda taught us these lessons so subtly…there is an emotional scene in the movie when Shankar’s father pleads & tells him not to take vengeance from Bullahh & his team, one can easily spot a portrait of Gandhi Ji in the background…even without taking his name we learn so much about his ideals of Non-Violence & Brotherhood…

We have been witness to so many Brother-Sister-themed songs & scenes of Rakshabandhan being played out endlessly in the movies of 60s & 70s and then there was a lull in the 80s where such relationships were conveniently ignored till we watch the most tragic scene of the movie (I am sure all of you would agree) when Bullahh has the dead body of his sister in his lap & he says “”Munni ? Meri behan Munni ??Accha toh tu mar gayi ?? Lambu ne tujhe lambaa kar diya ?? Maachis ki teeli ko khambaa kar diya ??Arre Maine toh tere liye kitne ladke dekhe the ..Woh bhi ek se badhkar ek chikne. Jo tujhe bhaata wahin tera pati banta … Magar tu toh katailaa gurdaa .. yaani ki .. murda ho gayi .. ??” We see so many dreams getting witnessed in just a single shot filled with tears & emotions…


Till Gunda came out we had only heard about Cow, Buffalo, Goat, Yak & Camel Milk but here’s an interesting innovative idea which comes out of this cult movie… Lambu Atta tells the Kafan Chor Neta – “Ae kafan chor neta….mere naam ki kawwali gana chhod, Kaam ki baat bata. Jis kaam ke liye tu billi ka doodh peeke dilli se aaya hai.” The White Revolution of India would have taken an all-together different route if this dialogue would have been followed seriously…of domesticating & rearing cats for their milk…

Long before Viagra was invented by Pfizer, Bullahh found out “Vitamin Sex” tablets and used to source them from UK (lesson in Free Trade) and then gave them to his brother Chutiya so that he becomes a Man & come outs of his confused state of mind about his sexual leanings and when finally he becomes a man a very poignant song is sung by eunuchs “Haye haye mere bhai jawaan ho gaya, toota hua teer kamaan ho gaya“, Bullah is seen dancing like a mad man in this particular scene, so much so for brotherly love…

Homosexuality has been shown in Bollywood Movies only since the last few years but Sir Shah had such an enigmatic vision even in 1998 when he showed Homosexuality not as any cheap gimmick to garner publicity but very intellectually when Lambu Atta tells Kafanchor Neta as he mentions the name of Bullah “Bullah ka naam lekar tune mera khopadi hila diya hai, khada kar diya hai mera”…the judge who gave the famous & historic “Section 377” used this particular dialogue when announcing the verdict in the Court of Law…


The evil of AIDS would have been solved if NACO had adopted Gunda as the Theme Movie for their movement of No-AIDS…as we have rape scenes in Gunda with clothes on, when only the top of the woman’s clothes are torn so that there is no exchange of body-fluids plus in Lucky Chikna’s hanging sex garden a sex worker refuses to have sex without a condom.Applause…what a subtle way of teaching safe sex…


You would have seen umpteen number of scenes where characters have asked for forgiveness from the oppressor until you watch the scene from this movie when arch-rival Lambu Atta begs for mercy and says “Bullah, mere ko mat maar. Mere ko apna bhadwa bana de. Main ladkiyan supply karte rahoonga aur tu maze lete rahena. Tere ko AIDS se bachaane ke liye nirodh ban jaunga. Towel baanke tere kamar se lipat jaunga. Mere ko mat maar. Aur agar maarna hi hain to mujhe cheel-chaal ke chakka bana de. Main saaree lapet kar tere liye dance karoonga…Gore gore gaal gaal gore gore…” I was almost crying at the end of this scene, it captures the pleading so vividly…


Lots of us have read Philip Kotler’s lessons on “Customer Satisfaction” but all those lessons seems an outright theoretical writing & nothing practical comes out of it till you hear Lucky Chikna screaming at a sex-worker who is doing “liptam chipti chipkam lipti” with another guy instead of servicing her client who is waiting for her lying on a bed and When she laments that “Woh buddha kuch karta nahin hain,Sirf bolta hain choos choos meri ungli choos“, Lucky Chikna tells her very politely ”Dhande pe baithi hain to buddha kya, jawan kya, kya chota kya bara, kya baitha kya khada“…This surely is a moment of Cinema meeting B-School Curriculum…and you thought that only Lagaan could be made a B-School case study…

I am soon going to start a Nationwide Movement for “Dadasaheb Phalke Award for Sir Kanti Shah” and I expect everybody’s heartfelt participation, we would launch Dharnas, Hunger Strikes & even Candle Light protests at India Gate and I won’t rest until this award is given to Sir Shah who deserves it the most…

Lagaan & Mother India missed winning the “Best Foreign Language Movie Oscar” but take it from me that if we had selected Gunda as India’s official entry to the Oscars in 1999 we would have tasted the sweet victory of the Academy Award which has eluded all Filmmakers in the past…


My life has changed yesterday and I plead for God’s mercy today for not watching Gunda for so long but today I can say that my life is complete & even if I die today I would die as a satisfied Human Being…for I have watched Gunda now…

My earnest request to all who are reading this Blog & haven’t watched “Gunda”, just leave everything right away…project deadlines can wait & your boss can also take a break but you don’t leave the task of watching Gunda for tomorrow, just do it today…

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4533128454129747129Heres the link to the Epic…

Get enlightened…find out the true meaning of your life…watch Gunda…

In the end here are some of the legendary dialogues from the movie…to get the true meaning of all of them you got to watch this movie…

1. Pote – “Mera naam hai Pote … Jo apne baap ke bhi nahi hote”

2. Ibu Hatela – Naam hai mera Ibu hatela.. maa meri chudail ki beti.. baap shaitaan ka chela… khaayega kela???

3. Lambu atta – Chatri hoti hai kholne ke liye…. chadar hoti hai odhne ke liye, aur chokri hoti hai chedne ke liye

4. Shankar says – “Bullah, ye teri beti hai.”, Bullah then says – “ohh!! to ye hai Hasina ka Pasina.”
5. Bullah on his Sister’s death – “Munni ? Meri behan Munni ??Accha toh tu mar gayi ??

Lambu ne tujhe lambaa kar diya ?? Maachis ki teeli ko khambaa kar diya ??Arre Maine toh tere liye kitne ladke dekhe the ..Woh bhi ek se badhkar ek CHIKNE. Jo tujhe bhAtta wahin tera pati banta … Magar tu toh katailaa gurdaa .. yaani ki .. murda ho gayi .. ??”

6. Lambu Atta to the neta – “Ae kafan chor neta….mere naam ki kawwali gana chodh, Kaam ki baat bata. Jis kaam ke liye tu billi ka doodh peeke dilli se aaya hai.”

7. Pote to Bullah – “ab laashey aise tapkegi, jaise nanhe-munne bachche ke nunni se paishab tapakta hai..TAP…TAP!”

8. Lambu Atta before killing Bullah’s sister – “arre main toh samjha tha Bullah ki bahen koi bhangaar ki dukan hogi, sab saamAan toot chuka hoga…lekin haai-haai, Face Sonali, Tangein Raveena, aur Aankhain KARISHMA!!!”

9. Bachu Bhigona to Bullah – “Bullah toone khullam khulla lambu Atta ko maut ke tave par sek diya, Uski laash ko worli ke gutter mein phenk diya!”

10. Lambu Atta on his Brother’s death – “nahin mere bhai tu marna nahi, mere bhai tu marna nahin……dum ko pakad ke rakh mere bhai, dum ko pakad ke rakh….. tujhe yaad hai wo dhande waali jo kehti thi ..”KUNDAN mere pyare kundan tere badan ko lagaoongi chandan………. are tangoon ke jhoole me lita ke le jaoongi tujhe isi jahaaj me London. mere bhai tereko yaad he????…………. KUNDAN……………………….. ARE MERA BHAI MAR GAYA RE BHAI! ”

11. Chutiya says – “”main to gas ka woh cylinder hoon jo khali hai. Mere chulhe se aag kaise niklegi”

12. Pote to Lambu Atta – “aa gaye bhayya aa gaye!

tene gundagurdi mein bada naam kamaya,kabhi dushmano ko phaada, kabhi kaata,

dikhne mein to tu naata par naam hai lamboo atta”

13. Shankar says – “kisi ne sach hi kahaa hai ki…baap pe poot..pitaa pe ghodaa….kuch nahi to thodaa-thodaa…”

14. Shankar says – “do…char…che….aath…das…..BAS!!”

15. Chutiya says- “mera naam hai chutiya. achhe acchon ki khadi karta hun mai khatiya!!! bullii… kahan hai teri ungli? Bullah bhaiya, ab hoga hallagulla… police aur hukumat karegi, hay Bullah hay Bullah. sab bolenge, dhundo dhundo, kahan hai chutiya, pakdo pakdo kahan hai Bullah….”

16. Lambu Atta justifying rape of Bullah’s sister – “areyyy to kaun saa bura kiya!

roti hoti hai khane ke liye.aur boti hoti hai chabane ke liye.

badshah ki behen ho, yaaa fakir ki beti.ek din mard ke neechey aati hai bajane ke liye seetee”

17. Chutiya to ibu hatela – “Mera bhai hai bohat kamina, din rat bahata hai vo hasina ka pasina.”

18. Kala shetty: Kaun hai be tu? Mithun Da: Mai hun tum jaise logon se nafarat karne wala,Garibon ke liye jyoti, Gundon ke liye jwala”
Kala Shetty: “Tujhe banake maut ka niwala,Tere seene mein gaad dunga mai maut ka bhaala.”

19. After killing Ibu hatela, Shankar meets Bullah and Pote in the docks – ”

Bullah: Bada akad raha hai shankar. Ibu hatela ko marke tu ye sochta hai ki tu yaha ka dada ban gaya.

Mithun da: Dada baap ke baap ko kehate hai. Aisa baap jo apni harami aulado ko marne ke liye unko di huyi tarikho ka intezar karta hai.

Potey: Un tarikho ke ane se phele mai thumari zindagi ka calender phad dunga.

Bullah: Teri tarikhen ayengi shankar, magar tere marne ke baad.

Mithun da: Bullah ye crane dekh raha hai, iski halat wahi hai jo is waqt teri hai, jab iski chain toot jati hai toh ye bekar ho jati hai, aur bekar chesen bangar mai fek di jati hai.

Bullah: Mai karane(crane) nahi hu shankar, jahaz hu jahaz, jo samundar ka bhi seena faad deta haiii.

Potey: Humare aage thumari wahi aukat hai jo kenchi ke aage kapde ki hoti hai.

Mithun da: Kapda, yahi kapda akhir mai sabse bada lafda karta hai. Jab ye kafan bann jata hai toh fir admi ko upar jana hi padta hai.”

20. “khote sikke ne bhi kya baat boli…. boli toh boli jaise bandook ki goli”

Plus if somebody is whacky & mad enough like me then he/she can download Gunda Ringtones at http://www.tejaswy.com/2010/02/21/gunda-ring-tone/ and set them on their Mobile Phones…I won’t be responsible for any adverse reactions though…
P.S: Thanks to Tejaswy Appalla @ http://www.tejaswy.com/

So till the time we meet again…

Cheers to life…

Till then ride safe and have safe sex…

Inquilab Zindabad…

Hasta la Victoria Siempre…

Jai BoP!

5 Comments

  1. bhai…..rula diya tune aaj….meri chaaro aankhey bhar ayi aaj…tera itna pyar dekh ke…. Gunda is not a film…it’s mirror of life….emotions ka toofaan….jaaduyi karishma hai….

  2. spare me the agony!!!

  3. My dear friend, you have no idea how broad the smile is on my face. Too good sir jee! 😀 😀

  4. Mind blowing. I have seen this movie atleast 15 times but never thought of the deep lessons in the movie. Aaj aapne meri aankhen khol di….

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